


Maybe I feel too much

by Berrrline



Series: five + five =55 [2]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: 5 Times, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. References, Ava Sharpe Needs a Hug, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:08:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29977158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Berrrline/pseuds/Berrrline
Summary: 5 times Ava has an emotional setback/ trauma induced+1 time Sara has her back
Relationships: Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe
Series: five + five =55 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2200032
Kudos: 15





	Maybe I feel too much

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to make this a series bc i like writing them but this took way too many of my brain cells. If you see typos then that means i was too lazy to read through this.

1.

The street lights were on, the road that Ava currently stood upon was quiet. She had no semblance of an idea on how she ended up on this particular street. Of course she knew who lived on this street. Pillbery St. Ava remembers this area like the back of her hand, the routes to take if you wanted a short cut or to avoid traffic.

She glanced at the familiar house and inhaled deeply. What was she doing here? One minute she was in the best place, best relationship she could ever be in and the next she's here. On a street that Ava hasn't called home in a very long time. 

The house matched the design of the neighboring houses but instead shades of brown and tan covered the structure. The coss hipped roof that was covered in solar panels because who doesn't like to save a buck. There was a chimney that Ava knew for a fact didn't have a purpose after a certain incident in 2016. 

The small garden in front of the house was beautiful and kept in well shape. The grass was trimmed to perfection as well as the bushes. Ava walked down the stone driveway leading to the front door. She put her head up not sure if she wanted to do this. A part of her knew that this was a mistake and regret was around the corner.

An image of Sara popped into her head, the fierce captain who had been scared of her own capabilities. Ava knew that Sara was just retrieving to 'save' her but Ava didn't need saving, not from Sara. Hell she was ready to take on that darkness with her.

She knocked on the door before she could change her mind. Waiting there hopelessly in her most regular clothes she owned for the door to open. Then the puzzle clicked, the last piece of walk down memory lane finally came together. Her ex was a familiar yet distant face.

"Ava?...What are you doing here?" She breathed out and her voice seemed different from the way Ava remembered it.

She looked down at her trembling hands, "Sorry. Can I come in?" The blonde was sure that she sounded tired and breathless. All facts in Ava's case. She got ushered into the house and was offered a beverage, accepting the water that was handed to her.

"So...how are you? Is government life treating you well?" The other girl looked uncomfortable, she was leaning against the doorframe between the kitchen and living room her shoulders tense. Her eyes never stayed in ine place for long and Ava could feel the tension building if it wasn't already there from her standing across the street.

"My job is self rewarding. It's hard sometimes but I think I finally got the whole government role down."

"I bet. Seriously Ava what are you doing here?" The darker hair girl replied more strenuous than before. She put her full weight on her feet, pushing herself off the frame. Ava catched the slight roll of her eyes and for some reason it set her off.

Ava knew she had no right to walk into someones home after the way they left things and not communicating after. She acknowledged the fact that she had no plausible reason to be upset with this woman who she used to be madly in love with. The small voice in her brain said it was her pain eating whatever negative response it could.

"What? What now? What the hell did I do wrong?" That was the million dollar question because everyone in her life seemed to disappear or appear unhappy around her. Sara, a person she didn't even like until a few weeks ago and now it's gone to shit.

"Really Ava, you don't come to people's house and act like you're the virgin Mary that could do no harm. And after the way you ignored me I'd assume you have a little more understanding for my reaction."

Ava walked next to the door unsure of why she thought this was a good idea in the first place. "I told you I needed space, and getting voicemails from my phone isn't the definition of space. This was a bad idea I don't know why I'm here. I just-

The unsolicited plan was to find a distraction she could get sucked into or at least one good conversation with an old buddy. So why was she about to bare her soul into the arms of the unforgiving? 

"I just really needed to know that I don't attract bad people. Listen I know we didn't work out.

"For good reason." Ava glared at the interruption, continuing her speech.

"But I need to know that you aren't as bad as my brain made you seem. Even if you are just please...I can't keep letting people in my life that are terrible for me. And we worked out for a while so can we just do that for a night. Be with each other."

The woman across from her shook her head and looked shocked. Her brows furrowed in either disbelief or confusion Ava couldn't decipher. The blonde had been emotionally wired, the break-up fresh on her mind. Sara was right there in her grasp, she had her and somehow their ship crashed.

"Ava you can't be serious?"

"You don't understand, I-she... I'm here and she's there." Ava's lip trembled as tears started to pool, her vision blurred. She could feel the restraints on her emotions breaking free as the tears dropped and a gasp came out her mouth. A hand was on her face brushing away the non stop waterworks. Ava felt embarrassed, though she knew the feelings were bound to come up.

She spent most of the night crying with a comforting hand on her back while she spewed out her insecurities. She felt boneless bye the end of it and wanted to take a long nap to hide from the world.

2.

A Demon. Demons with weird faces and creepy laughs was real and very much coming after Ava. Fucking Demons from hell.

Ava took leave and had to convince Gary that she wasn't going through a mental break and just wanted to be alone. Of course he continued to ask if she was okay which Ava found heartwarming deep down. The break was well earned and necessary after clone-topia. 

It was late and her apartment had been lit up by the kitchen light. She had just finished tidying up and opted for a snack. She went to the fridge and before opening it she caught sight of a figure behind her. She opened the fridge slowly grabbing a fork from the leftovers and facing the shadow.

A man smiling devilishly at her before grabbing her shoulders. Ava put force into her right hand as she stabbed the fork into his side repeatedly. The man, barely effected, laughed stopping Ava's hand from her actions.

Instead she kneed him in the balls, kicked his shin and use his stagger to get her arm loose. Ava ran towards her knifes getting the sharpest one, her face pale when she saw he was right behind her. Her reflexes kicked in and the knife slashed his face, blood pooling on her wooden floors.

Ava would strike a few times but he would block it and end up twisting Ava's hand. She whimpered in discomfort but kept fighting. He slammed her head onto the island sliding it on the surface until her head bashed in the dry wall. Ava was woozy and 99% sure that a concussion was in her future. 

She grabbed onto a vase and blindly threw it over her head smashing it into the intruder. She got out his tight grip and punched him to a bulb. Her knuckles were red and cracked but her fear and anger seeped out and Ava just kept punching.

But his face wasn't right, it had transformed into this ugly nest and Ava fell back. He laughed menacingly at her, his voice seemed to be ten times louder in her head. 

"Ava, darling, don't be stubborn. You were made to serve and I have just the perfect role for you."

Ava growled, her fist coming up to his- definitely not human- face but he caught it. He tilted his head while he twisted her hand, "I gave you a chance." He pushed her back into the mirror and Ava's body collided with it harshly causing a scream to erupt.

She could feel it cutting into her skin and the injuries from earlier started to catch up with her. "What are you?" The panic in her tone was a cry for help. Some force was keeping her against the shards of glass as it cut deeper into her spine. Her vision was starting to get cloudy and she feared what happens when she finally succumbs to the darkness.

"The name's Neuron."

3.

There is no place like the woods. The deep dark place that carried little critters and hid big monsters. So of course Ava's 'undying love' for the forest was why she got trapped in it. And if the situation wasn't bad enough she was stuck with Damien Darhk and Gary.

The three had somehow managed to get lost in it. And as much as Ava had a safe spot in her heart for Gary she needed him to stop talking. She was trying to assess for danger other than Darhk and at the rate Gary was going they'd be breakfast by sunrise.

"Maybe we could try the Legends again? Sometimes they don't answer the first time...well they never answer know that I think about it. Is my cell service bad?"

Ava looked back at the grown adult behind her with squinted eyes. She placed a single digit in front of her mouth, signaling for him to shush.

"Sorry Ava, high stake situations make me nervy and when I get nervy I get talkative." Ava forced a smile, setting her gaze in the area ahead of them. She had no clue where they were headed and was more worried about how to deal with Sara's arch nemesis.

A thump sounded around them and Gary jumped for security next to Ava. He wrapped his hand around her waist stuffing his face in her stomach. The sounds of the wilderness definitely made Gary more jumpy than his usual deer faced look.

"Looks like you have a fan. How nice." Damien's voice echoed, and Ava pushed the man child away from her.

"You're not allowed to annoy me or you get put in the ground, understand? I'd keep the comments to myself." Ava warned, not doing him harm because that would contradict her character values. And the fact that burying a body is a lot harder in the dark with no tools.

"Tell your kid to stop hyperventilating or else we're screwed." Damien snarled, looking out the perimeter as the continued their path west. The one flashlight they had was guiding their footsteps. Ava rolled her eyes before stopping.

"We are going in circles, we've past this tree before."

"Wait! how do you know? Are we going to die because my granny just gave me the recipe to her pecan pie and I don't want to die before I have a chance to try it!"

"No Gary! Just stay calm, alright. Sara will find us." Gary gulped and Ava inspected the marked tree they had passed not long ago. Honestly she had no idea how to get out of it...it was almost like they were in a-

"What did you do? You know I wasn't joking when I said that I'd kill you, right? What did you do, Darhk?" Ava turned to face him, watching the man grin maniacally. She shoved a knife to his throat putting pressure at the base. He laughed shaking his head against the blade.

"Ava," Gary gasped, his breathing ragged and heavy. Ava turned to spot him on the ground with his hand holding his neck. He spluttered on the floor like a fish and Ava dived by his side. His glasses cracked from the force of his movements, sweat started to gather on his forehead.The once talkative man was gasping for oxygen and Ava couldn't do anything.

"GARY, GAR! WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM? Gary it's okay, you're going to be fine." 

Damien had a brain splitting smile on his face, his eyes dark. Ava frantically tried to save him but there was no blood or wound. Whatever was happening couldn't be stabilized in a forest.

"Gary?" Ava whispered when he finally stopped thrashing. Red clouded her vision and suddenly she was pouncing Damien Darhk. She screamed into the dark woods, the vibrations piercing his ears causing him to stagger back. Ava screamed again watching as he covered his ears while blood ran down his eyes.

"I don't like when people don't take my word seriously."

4.

"You lied to me!" Ava gave the harshest glare she could muster towards her fake parents.

After learning about her real origin she needed to know why someone would agree to this. They were shocked when they opened the door and saw her. But regardless they let her in, hesitantly.

Ava scoffed at their sorrow filled faces. "You made me believe that I had all of this. I thought you were my parents for God sakes. You made me think I was real!"

The blonde's laughter caught them off guard. She belted out a painful laugh that ended with her pleading for air. She ran her fingers through her hair countless times, gripping the locs out of frustration. Her fake parents had no idea how to help her and for actors they had a bad poker face.

"You-you lied to me. Everyone lied to me. I'm not real, this isn't- 

"Ava how about you sit down. We can talk about this."

The couple jumped back startled at Ava banging her head against the wall. Her hand covering her ears as a way to protect herself from the outside world. She whimpered thinking of the thousand other versions out there.

"Can you imagine being made in a lab? Having thousands if not millions of people with the same face as you? Then to be told that someone implanted a bunch of fake memories inside of me just so I can play a part in a government job." There was a pause as Ava waited for them to answer. They didn't. "You know I wasn't the first one right? There was 12 before me, so that means you knew."

"You knew and you still made me believe that I was real just so you could get a paycheck. What is wrong with you people?"

Ava pulled the door open walking away from them forever.

5.

She couldn't find anyone. 

The Legends were tracking an artifact. Something ancient and dangerous. They'd heard tales about through different sources but none of them stuck. They chased every story only for it to be a dead end. Until Ava met Phil J. Coulson, an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D which didn't phase Ava at all. He was looking for the same artifact, called it a 084.

Sara was quick to lecture her on the implications of trusting a strange which was a first for the captain. But Ava agreed, so the Legends decided to put them at arms length. Together they located the artifact in Mexico City or rather under the city.

Plans were made which led to Ava's current position but something was wrong. She lost connection and couldn't hear anyone through comms, the underground was just another city to get lost in. Coulson and his team were down here too but everyone disappeared from her sight.

Ava kept walking the trail taking rights and lefts inadvertently. Finally she stopped walking, somehow Ava knew she had reached her destination. Skye was in the room too along with Trip. Coulson ran up to the door only for it to close it his face leaving the four of them.

"How did you guys find this place?" Ava said looking at the giant centerpiece of the weird dirt temple. 

"We walked and then we were here. The device was detecting energy from this room, whatever the artifact is it's strong."

A girl who looked innocent, dark hair big eyes stared in her direction. She tilted her head, looking at her with intrigued eyes before turning towards Skye. "I don't recall the blonde being apart of the team."

"She's not," Skye said with a hint of venom in her voice. The events after that were blurry. The not so innocent girl reached for the artifact that in turn made the room turn into lockdown mode. The platform that was holding the grey sculpture like item crumbled. A panic stricken Ava watched as Trip convert to stone, his face freezing with his mouth wide open in fear. Ava watched one by one of them turning to stone, then she did.

Weird vibrations shot through her body and a static feeling between her fingertips. The stone started to break against her fingers enough so she can wiggle them. That same static feeling spread throughout her system, particles and rocks flying off her skin. Ava frantically observed her body checking for any signs of danger.

She look up to see whether they had broke free from the stone as well and only saw Skye and doe eyes. Trip was no where to be seen and the blast she felt earlier concurred her mind.

"Agent?" The waver in her voice kept at a minimum.

"Mmhm," Skye fell onto the rubble and Ava quickly ran to her side. She needed to get that door open and find some help.

"He's dead," Skye answered the unasked question before letting her lids close.

+1

Fetuses aren't anyones good trait. Taking care of a fetus, being patient when said fetus drives you nuts. Well, Ava experienced this and the more she felt nuts the more she went nuts. Her insecurities of being a mom snapped back at her and completely rattled her. Being a mother was hard. Everyday felt like a new obstacle to tackle, being the director of TB was easier than this.

Not to mention that babies didn't like her. Her child wasn't the problem in that instance; playdates. Who thought putting two crying, vomiting, pooping, gargling babies together and call it fun. Ava found that her child loved her, adored her even but no so much of the babies. Which is embarrassing and made Ava want replace herself with a clone just to take a debriefing.

Unload feelings and emotions every now and then. So that's what she did. She walked into the nursery room and interacted with her little bundle of life. The weight of being perfect sat at the bottom of her chest and dug itself deeper.

The innocent smile that crossed her babies face was too precious, too easy to ruin. One bad choice and she could damage her.

Later, at night she watched Sara sleep peacefully. Her steady breathing calmed the ill feels. But still Ava needed something to quell this fear before it goes to far. Like the time she gave birth to her child and was scared of everything that caused her not to touch her for days. Her plans to breastfeed or skin-to-skin connection be damned because her fears got the best of her.

"Sara..." Ava whispered, "Sara wake up." 

The sleeping woman groaned turning her back away from the pestering. Ava rolled her eyes a small smile making a way onto her face.

"Sara there's a fire," She whisper screamed into the blondes ear. Sara shot up, looking for the fire but stopped once she heard the sound of laughter. Ava's laugh settled after the pointed look sent from Sara.

"You know that's illegal right? I could send you to jail." 

"Please, you just want to see me in orange."

Sara winked, falling back into the bed but laying closer to Ava. Their heads touched and Sara found her arm tucked under the pillow. Sara waited because somehow she knew Ava well enough to know that something was on her mind and all she had to do was wait.

"I love our child. She's the best thing that ever happened to me but I can't help to think that I'm not the best for her."

"Ava what are you talking about? Did you take b's stash again?" Ava hit Sara's forearm, turning her head to smell the coconut scented hair of her wife.

"I'm serious babe. What if this is the one thing I'm not good at. Every move, every decision that I've made so far has seemed wrong. It just feels like I'm a bad mom. I can't shake it."

Sara sat up, her eyes set on Ava before gazing at the balcony doors. Her hands pulled Ava's up to her face, kissing the knuckles softly.

"You know what I admire about you, Aves?" She hummed in response. "I don't think I've met someone whose as dedicated to being the best at everything they do as much as you. Ava, you excel at putting on clothes like it's a sport. I'm saying this because no matter how much you think you're failing there will always be a part of you that wants to be better. You are fantastic and you make a hell of a mother. And you will continue to be a great mother because you love your child and want nothing but the best. Babe your only fault is being pretty."

Ava laughed the rest of the night while Sara went on and on about how pretty jail was calling. And despite Ava's efforts to continue her slump depressive thoughts she couldn't. Sara was right, she loved her and she'd only find more ways to be better at loving her.

"Thank you," She hugged her close.

"You can thank me tomorrow, I love you."

"I'm glad I married you," Ava smiled opening her eyes to peek at Sara's reaction. The shorter woman chuckled in her arms, her smile lighting up in the darkness.

"I would hope so."

A couple of minutes passed before Ava said "I love you too, Sara."


End file.
